My cautious heart would rather take things slow;
To build a friendship, banter, joke, and play.
But look, the rest of me is gasping, so
I compromise to scratch the itch this way
I turn to you, O vapid dating app
Be COVID conscious. Test and quarantine
Then test again, come over, bring a cap
I’ll make you dinner and we’ll set the scene
My tastes are simple, I don’t have a plan
Other than to try and make you groan
My goal of Little Death feels safer than
the mortifying act of being Known
Upon my bedpost, mark indelible
That you were here, and now away you go
Author’s Note: I do not actually have a Tinder profile.