My cautious heart would rather take things slow;

To build a friendship, banter, joke, and play.

But look, the rest of me is gasping, so

I compromise to scratch the itch this way

I turn to you, O vapid dating app

Be COVID conscious. Test and quarantine 

Then test again, come over, bring a cap

I’ll make you dinner and we’ll set the scene

My tastes are simple, I don’t have a plan

Other than to try and make you groan

My goal of Little Death feels safer than 

the mortifying act of being Known

Upon my bedpost, mark indelible 

That you were here, and now away you go

Author’s Note: I do not actually have a Tinder profile.